he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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