the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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