Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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