To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Non-Jews are for practice
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
