there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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