i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
