It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
