if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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