I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
