so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
