Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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