the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
