Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
