i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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