someone owes me an orgasm
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
