dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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