I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can you bring me the toilet please
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
