so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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