i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
