fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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