I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So apparently I’m into choking now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
