I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
