he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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