She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
