U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
