She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
