This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
