I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Welp...herpes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
