We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
