my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
