My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
