ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
