the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
