is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
