I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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