Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
