Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
