Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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