My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
