saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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