Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
