Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
