Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
