If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
