My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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