3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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