You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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