tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
