I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
