i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
