Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
