If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
