i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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