Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
