I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This baby is an asshole
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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