Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my poor anus
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
